When it comes to the challenges of managing people, there’s one hurdle pretty much everyone has to overcome. It often trips up new managers early on, but even experienced ones sometimes struggle with it. And if you don’t learn to deal with this issue effectively, it can really derail your ability to build, develop, and retain a great team.
What is this challenge? Accepting that your people aren’t like you.
I know you may think you get this concept, but my experience is most individuals “get it” intellectually but fight it anyway.
They keep insisting on managing their employees they way they’d like to be managed. They keep trying to get their team members to do things the way they’d do them. And they keep overlooking the fact that what motivates them won’t necessarily drive others at all.
What’s the solution?
First, managers need to remember that each individual on the team has a core set of personality traits and talents that drive what they’re good at and how they like to do things. And these traits and talents may or may not be shared by the manager. That’s why Joe shies away from confrontations with vendors even though his manager would “jump right in there and take care of the situation once and for all, no matter how upset the other party is.” The manager may have a natural ability to handle conflicts, but expecting Joe to handle the task the way he would isn’t going to get him anywhere. A better approach would be to coach Joe from the standpoint of, “I know this kind of situation makes your uncomfortable and you hate to do it, but let’s practice some strategizes to make it less painful for you.”
Next, managers should keep in mind that what they want from their own manager may have no bearing at all on the relationship they need to have with their team members. For example, I was recently talking with an individual who didn’t personally care about getting much in the form of positive reinforcement from his supervisor. I believe his exact words were, “I don’t really need my boss to tell me when I’m doing a good job, because I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t.” He was, therefore, pretty unsympathetic to a couple of his direct reports who thrived on “thank yous” and “atta boys.” But his unwillingness to give them what they needed (as opposed to what he needed) was creating dissatisfaction and morale issues that would continue if he refused to change his approach.
Finally, it’s crucial for managers to accept that their own motivators may be very different from those of their employees. A manager who’s driven by challenge and risk may be baffled by team members who resist change and cling to the status quo. Someone who always has her eye on the next possible promotion may get frustrated by an employee who shows no interest in moving up the organizational chart and ignores her advice on how to prepare for the “next level.”
The key to all of these solutions comes down to two things: Managers have to really get to know and understand each of their team members and figure out what makes them “tick.” Then they have to be flexible enough in their approach to work with each person individually based upon their own unique circumstances.
Have you ever found yourself managing an individual who was nothing like you? What was your approach? Please tell us about your experiences here.
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